Posted by: paigeturner123 | October 3, 2009

In the meantime


Logistics: My surgery is set for November 3rd, 2009. My mom (I’ll post a couple of photos from her recent visit soon) will be in town and R will be helping out as well. 6-8 weeks after surgery I will most likely have to ingest radioactive iodine and be in isolation (complete) for 2 full days, then after that mostly isolated for 3 more days. I will be too radioactive to be around people!

Thoughts:

I was typing an e-mail a few minutes ago before I started “blogging” and I came across a strange phrase, “life expectancy”. It’s such a strange term. It reminds me of a scientist coming up with a hypothesis for an experiment. If this(you don’t do drugs, smoke or eat too much fat)– then this (you will live to be 105 years old). In reality (I like using this term) one never knows when or how they will go. I know, this is probably cliche, someone who is diagnosed with Cancer philosiphising about death. Let’s be honest, I’ve always thought about death. I do have a fascination with it, ever since I was small. I love cemeteries. OK, what’s my point? My point is the whole idea of knowing something without a doubt is absurd. We all have gut feelings, we all follow the general rules of life, we try to be good people, but there are just no absolutes in life. Duh, that’s obvious, I know. I just have to keep reminding myself of this. For every worry I have there is a counter argument for why it is pointless to worry.

I want to live the rest of my life with confidence, wonder, and courage. I’ll buy that red sequin dress, take a plane to wherever I want to go, and tell everyone that I know that I love them. I don’t do that often enough. I need you all to know, I’m gonna be different after all this. This is for the rest of my life.It’s a part of me now.If I can’t start now, I’ll start tomorrow.

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Responses

  1. Hm. I wish more people would write comments because as it is I am feeling like your cyber-stalker.

    Are you going to be at OHSU? Will you be isolated at home or at the hospital?

    Last thought: I have now heard you talk about a red sequined dress about five times. Okay, maybe it’s a kind of “seize the day” metaphor, but maybe you just need to get yourself a red sequined dress and start wearing it all over town. Carpe diem!

  2. I decided to post something so that your friend didn’t feel like such a cyber-stalker. Also, I wanted you to know how brave I think you are and how incredible it is that you are handling all of this with such grace. Thank you for sharing your thoughts during this difficult time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

    P.S. I’m glad you like cemeteries, too, because I was starting to feel really bizarre taking my brown-bag lunches on nice summer days to sit on lichen-covered granite benches under old shade trees and then returning to work pretending I had gone to eat in the park. I stopped going because I didn’t want to lie about my lunch whereabouts anymore. Telling a group of surly type-A construction sports fanatics that you eat lunch in a cemetery is like an invitation to be punched in the stomach every time you pass them in the hallway.

    • I love that you love cemeteries too. I have to say there are some lame ones out there, but luckily I have one close to my house that is amazing. It’s called Lone Fir Cemetery and it’s an old pioneer cemetery. I bet they have amazing ones on the East Coast, much older ones. When I went to Germany and Belgium a few months ago (in May) we went to two really great cemeteries. The best one was in Koln (Cologne, Germany). I can’t remember the name of it, but it was AMAZING and huge.

  3. If you don’t buy that red sequined dress you just might find it under the Christmas tree!!

    Mom


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