I’ll start of by saying I freaking joined an online support group for Thyca (Thyroid cancer). I just don’t see myself as the touchy feely type. Like I don’t ever want to wear a Thyroid cancer survivor shirt or ribbon or any of that. It will not become my identity. I mean, I know that helps people and I’m glad that it does, but I just don’t see myself that way. I can just sit with it, know that I survived and not advertise it. Having said that, I had to get involved somehow. I had a really bad couple of days (yesterday being the worst) and I just needed someone to understand the emotional implications. I’m scared. I’m still a little mad, but more than that I’m mad at everyone telling me it’s going to be OK. The people that tell me this are people who haven’t had cancer. It’s the cancer part that’s scary. It can come back and I’ll have to go get more surgery etc. I know people are trying to make me feel better. I get that. It’s just, well, that doesn’t always work. I’m back and forth and all around right now. What helps one day doesn’t help the next. I’m uncomfortable with this. Or rather, I’m not always comfortable with my emotions. Never have been.
The above paragraph exposed some of my feelings… just in case you didn’t get that.
The blurry photo– I like. Maybe it can signify how my point-of-view has been blurred by all of this craziness. There are your dramatics for the day!
In-between: I have five days with my thyroid. What will we do? We rode my bike to work and back today. I’ll have to think of something special though.