Posted by: paigeturner123 | October 28, 2009

Support, blurry photos, and the in-between


6I’ll start of by saying I freaking joined an online support group for Thyca (Thyroid cancer). I just don’t see myself as the touchy feely type. Like I don’t ever want to wear a Thyroid cancer survivor shirt or ribbon or any of that. It will not become my identity. I mean, I know that helps people and I’m glad that it does, but I just don’t see myself that way. I can just sit with it, know that I survived and not advertise it. Having said that, I had to get involved somehow. I had a really bad couple of days (yesterday being the worst) and I just needed someone to understand the emotional implications. I’m scared. I’m still a little mad, but more than that I’m mad at everyone telling me it’s going to be OK. The people that tell me this are people who haven’t had cancer. It’s the cancer part that’s scary. It can come back and I’ll have to go get more surgery etc. I know people are trying to make me feel better. I get that. It’s just, well, that doesn’t always work. I’m back and forth and all around right now. What helps one day doesn’t help the next. I’m uncomfortable with this. Or rather, I’m not always comfortable with my emotions. Never have been.

The above paragraph exposed some of my feelings… just in case you didn’t get that.

The blurry photo– I like. Maybe it can signify how my point-of-view has been blurred by all of this craziness. There are your dramatics for the day!

In-between: I have five days with my thyroid. What will we do? We rode my bike to work and back today. I’ll have to think of something special though.

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Responses

  1. Dang! I hope I haven’t said anything about how everything’s going to be OK. It would be totally unlike me to ever say such a thing, but I feel like I may have anyway. People mean well, but it’s not very helpful when you know that sometimes things don’t turn out OK and that’s what you’re scared of. We’re all worried about you and we don’t want to think of the bad possibilities, but you can’t avoid those thoughts so easily as we can.

    • No, you pretty much told me that “it’s only going to get worse”! Just kidding! Thanks for the thoughtful card etc. I knew you had a soft spot for me!

  2. Yes, I was also wondering if I said “everything is going to be okay.” I take it back! Ha!

    What did you do with your gallbladder in those final days? Maybe you can do something similar with your thyroid. The bike ride sounds good. Maybe some wine and dance as well.

    I’m really sorry you have to go through this! Just let me know if there is anything I can do.

    • I didn’t meant that is was entirely bad to say that. I just meant that one day that comforts me, but then the next day or hour/minute it doesn’t. It’s not a bad thing to say at all. It’s really hard to know what to say in general about this kind of stuff.

  3. I’m really glad you, Rad and your thyroid are coming to Zella’s birthday party. I think the 3 of you will have a good time. And, as always, we’ll be glad to see you.

    Oh, and here’s my book rec’:
    The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, David Wroblewski.
    And a movie:
    Eastern Promises (though there is a penis shot)

    • Oh man! My mom was going to bring me that book, but I said I wasn’t sure I really wanted it. I’ll have to retract that. Thanks!

      Eastern Promises sounds promising!


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